Yesterday was going fine until somewhere around 11:00 pm when, in the midst of searching for jobs online, I started feeling incredibly frustrated and down about myself and the whole process. Recently (in the past few days), I’ve been feeling like I don’t even know what I want to do anymore, or where I want to go. So now, not only do I feel like I’m not finding any jobs that I have experience for, I also feel like I don’t know if I’m looking in the right place.
I thought I had settled on mostly looking for jobs in Nashville because it’s a new place with lots of music and aspects I (think I) would like. But now I am having other thoughts that make me think maybe I don’t want to live there. Maybe I want to live in Charleston because every time I think of it, I just want to go back. Or, maybe I just want to go home. Or live with my grandparents. I don’t think I am actually serious about those last two (especially the home one), but last night I was feeling low and just like I’m not sure of anything. That, coupled with the plain difficulty of looking for jobs, increased my uncertainty about the future.
I have many people in my life who keep telling me not to worry, that they’re sure something great will come up for me, and I try to believe that. Some days, I just feel like it’s hard to trust it, though. This morning before I went to class, I opened my e-mail and hoped that my daily devotional would have some reassuring words for me. When I read it, I saw that today’s scripture is one of my favorite verses, Romans 8:28, which reads “We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Last spring when I was looking for summer jobs, Granddaddy reminded me of this as I applied for an internship program that I really wanted to be a part of.
I really hope that as I continue to try and figure out what I am called to do with this next chapter of my life, I am able to remember and trust that God works for my good.