All I want right now is to be able to do something without thinking.  For once in my life, I just want to do what I feel like doing and not analyze it or consider the consequences– good or bad.  I don’t get why I have such a hard time with living in the moment sometimes.  I’m not an advocate for making every decision in life on an absolute whim, but I do think that sometimes ignorance is bliss and some parts of life maybe are not meant to be deciphered so much that  whatever situation or choice or relationship becomes completely trifled from incessant analysis.

I struggle with balancing what I think are my values with my immediate emotions.  I don’t know if that makes any sense, but basically I feel like no matter how much I think I want to do something just for the sake of enjoyment or pleasure, my “values” get in the way and I don’t let myself.  Don’t get me wrong, I know the importance of having strong values that root you in, well, yourself, but I wonder to what extent and in which circumstances they have to take the upper hand?  Always?

Mythologist Joseph Campbell wrote, “Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and the doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.”  I want to follow my bliss.  Maybe my problem is more that I’m not sure if my bliss is always working in conjunction with my values– those things that ground me and serve as my foundation for the big decisions I make throughout life.  Hmm.  Can bliss only be about little things?  I am sure that bliss and values can work together, at least in many cases; maybe not all.

I am so confused.  But not confused, at the same time.  Parts of me want different things.   I feel trapped in a dilemma.  Follow my bliss, my feelings in the moment, or listen to the extremely annoying (currently, at least) voice in my head that always says the same, old boring thing?

This is way too much thinking.


About maggieagrant

I love my family, friends, mountains, the beach, running, laughing, cooking, reading, and hearing and making music.
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