I continue to have new ideas and change my mind many times a week regarding what I want to do/where I want to be (geographically and otherwise) in three months. It’s exciting but scary. I think some risk-taking is most likely in order, which can be difficult for me. I want to live like that right now, though.
In my small group we’ve started reading Parker Palmer’s book Let Your Life Speak. I like it, but following the title is harder than it seems. One part we discussed tonight that stood out to me as I read was that sometimes opportunities are put in our paths and we think, “This is something I can’t not do, for reasons I’m unable to explain to anyone else and don’t fully understand myself but that are nonetheless compelling.” I think that’s important to remember in my approach to the future. Sometimes things come up that you’re a little unsure of or uncomfortable with, but you just get that feeling that it’s the right thing to do. It’s risky, but you gotta do it.
Palmer also talks a lot about how often we tend to “listen for guidance everywhere except within” because that’s what we are accustomed to. Part of growing up and into the person we were created to be means distinguishing who we really are from the expectations others have of us. And, equally important, to be true to who we are, we must discontinue the practice of making “negative projections on people and situations” because we use those to mask our own fears. I think one of my greatest fears is of the risk entailed in letting go of what I have come to understand as my values and desires and embracing the things that I believe make me who I am.
Like I said above, taking risks has not previously been one of my strong suits. But I want to be more risky– in love, work, celebration, giving. Honestly, the thought thrills me.