Hello, long lost blog. Actually, I guess you have been here the whole time and I’m the one who’s been MIA. I feel awful that I haven’t even made a tiny appearance since almost a month ago. In my defense, things really have been super busy!
I guess the last time I wrote I’d just finished my last final of college. Since then I’ve been to DC for a little road trip and interview, graduated from William and Mary, moved out of my apartment, gone to the Outer Banks for a few days, returned to Williamsburg to hang out with Nana, traveled to Charlottesville for Annie’s graduation weekend, and finally landed at home for the first time (except for about 36 hours) since January. Oh, then I went to Richmond for an overnight, came home to help Annie pack-up and move to Memphis/Atlanta, drove to South Carolina to visit Nanny and Nana and Grandaddy. Phew. Now I actually am home for the next 2 days until I move to Washington, D.C. All those extremely fun and happy occasions were physically tiring and also emotionally draining. It just comes within the category of “life transitions,” I guess.
This is definitely a time of change for myself and a lot of the people in my life. It’s scary, but so exciting at the same time. Some days (ok, lately maybe most), I’ll feel so worried and anxious about the future– how I’m going to find a full-time job, and succeed and support myself, and also be able to enjoy the fun parts of really being an adult– that it’s difficult to embrace the excitement and wonder of this time in my life.
Now is when the whole trust thing really becomes important. For me, uncertainty often breeds anxiety. I forget that God is in control. The other day I was expressing my worry to Mom, and she told me a story about how when she left for seminary right after college, she didn’t have any money at all except $300 that her uncles gave her for doing a funeral on the way out of town. She was worried, and Grandaddy looked at her and said, “Do you believe in this whole faith business?” She answered, “Yes.” And he said, “Well, then, go.”
Sometimes we just have to take the leap and see where we land. That is much easier said than done for me; I’ll admit that. I know a few months ago I wrote something about taking risks. I should probably go back and read that. I’m sure I never claimed to be an expert at it, but the truth remains that I want to be better at “putting myself out there” and trusting that everything will work out according to God’s timing.
The other morning, I was watching “The Today Show” with Nanny in her den. Honestly, I don’t even remember what the story was about, but one expert of something or another who was being interviewed said, “There is something courageous about changing the narrative of your life.” I think this is probably one of the most courageous things we can do because it takes an incredible amount of trust. In Romans 8:28, Paul writes, “In all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to God’s purpose.” Usually, we’re on our own timeline, waiting for our own plans to come to fruition rather than patiently waiting and understanding that God’s plan is greater and more right than our own. In times of transition and uncertainty, I know I need to focus on doing everything I can to live as the person I was created to be, and good things will fall into place.
Besides trusting that I will find a job or a place to live, etc, this time of transition also means it’s “grow-up time” (as Mom likes to put it). When we make decisions, there is always the possibility of them ending up being the wrong ones– we all know everybody makes mistakes. It’s in these instances when I am extra aware of the importance of being grace-filled toward ourselves and others. When accepted with grace, our mistakes allow us to change and grow, to really become the people God created us to be, and to help us become aware of the important things in our everyday lives that we tend to miss.
In her book Traveling Mercies, Anne Lamott writes, “I do not understand the mystery of grace– only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us.” The process of trial and error, and the growth that occurs as we joyfully celebrate or painfully, but gratefully, pick ourselves up again, is one of life’s greatest gifts.